posted by the vegan husband

This month, we offer up one more example of how veganism has moved into the mainstream of our culture in the form of a timeless holiday classic…

Grandma got run over by a vegan
Just as she was leaving Trader Joe’s
She cast a spell of healthy food and living
But where that spirit came from, no one knows

Grandma really loved her junk food
Super nachos is just her style
But when it comes to rice and celery,
Granny ain’t seen them in quite a while

She’d gone out to do some shopping,
Chicken tenders with MSG
Next thing you know she’s catatonic
Mumbling things like “quinoa” and “gluten-free”

(chorus)

I’m not sure about these changes
Dandelions?  Aren’t they weeds?
No more sausage, no more cold cuts
How do you fry bacon made from chia seeds?

It’s not Christmas without meatballs
Buddy, I’m not blowing smoke
Can’t get my head around this lifestyle
My heart was never made of artichoke!

(chorus)

Carve me a big ol’ slice of tofu
Spoon that casserole made of twigs
Wash it down with milk from almonds
The whole family will be saying, “What the frig?”

It’s not too late to change your habits
Quick! Before I’ve sung this song
You won’t do anything but thank me,
A hundred million vegans can’t be wrong!

(chorus)

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