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survey says 1

 

POSTED BY THE VEGAN HUSBAND

 

This is what’s wrong with health insurance in the United States today.

I know what you’re expecting, but this is not an Obamacare rant. I actually like my health insurance provider. But they are too quick to give away money.

Recently a co-worker asked if I had taken the on-line health insurance survey. I do plenty of things on-line but taking surveys is not one of them. But, she said, you could earn $200. And it takes hardly any time at all.

$200 just for taking a survey? Do you think I’m an idiot? Wait! Don’t answer that!

Listen, my co-worker replied, I took the survey and within two weeks I got my check. What more proof do you need?

So I thought about this situation. I work out six days a week. I eat a veganish diet. My co-worker claims to run on a treadmill but she also drinks two sodas a day and that’s just during the work day. I won’t even tell you how much chocolate she eats. This could be the easiest $200 in my pocket since my nephew challenged me to a winner-take-all canasta tournament.

Like 90% of things on-line, I had to create an account with a user name and password. I’m pretty sure this is just a way to raise your blood pressure, causing you to fail the survey and kiss the $200 good-bye. But I was not to be deterred. Three days, five user names, and twelve passwords later, I was in and ready to make healthcare history.

Question #1. How often do you do some kind of physical activity for at least thirty minutes?
a) Occasionally
b) Twice a week
c) Three to five times a week
d) Never

Hah! This will be child’s play. “C”. Final answer.

Question #2. How many prescription medications do you currently take?
a) None
b) One
c) Two
d) I am on a first name basis with my pharmacist

The whole world takes some kind of medication, don’t they? I only take a statin for cholesterol so I’m still ahead of the game.

Question #3. In the last six months, has anyone said you look stressed out?
a) Not at all
b) Once or twice
c) It depends on whether the regular bartender is working
d) It’s no one’s damn business

Who doesn’t have stress in their lives? When channeled, it can be very effective.

Question #4. In the last six months, how often have you had four or more drinks in the course of one evening?
a) Not at all
b) Once or twice
c) It depends on whether the regular bartender is working
d) It’s no one’s damn business

I think that this survey may be rigged.

Question #8. Pick the answer below which best describes your daily bread intake.
a) Whole wheat bread, with a light coating of jelly
b) Oatmeal bread, with margarine
c) Bagel with cream cheese
d) Whoa! Is this all the butter we have left?

Pass.

Question #14. Rank your following scores from highest to lowest.
a) Triglycerides
b) HDL
c) LDL
d) Glucose

By now, you know this survey was a complete waste of time. Two weeks later, I did receive a check in the mail but it was for $50, not $200. I now have to view the following on-line workshops: “Meditate your Stress Away”, “Alcohol is not The Answer”, and “Don’t Let Cholesterol put you Six Feet Under.”

If I don’t, I have to pay back the $50 plus $150 in penalties and administrative fees.

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