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I was enjoying an onion bagel for breakfast this morning and I caught myself chewing. Not with my mouth open or anything, but with enough enthusiasm that I thought it could be annoying.

I looked across the couch to the vegan spouse and begged her pardon for tearing into my food with such zeal. She gave me a look that said: You were chewing? I didn’t even know you were in the room. And then she said, “Your chewing is fine. It’s that yap-yap-yapping of your voice that I could do without.”

I’m joking! She would never say anything so hurtful and insensitive. What she actually said was, “Could you turn up the volume on the tv? I can’t hear it over your incessant chomping!”

The point is, when you eat a veganish diet, your jaw doesn’t usually get much of a workout.

I’ll grant you that we occasionally bite into raw vegetables. We enjoy the satisfying crunch of a peanut or a pistachio. But, let’s face it, our cutlery is not getting dull cutting through tomatoes or cooked spinach.

The veganish menu items go down without much anxiety. When was the last time you heard of someone breaking a tooth on a chick pea?

It may have something to do with how the meals are put together.

Soup is one of our go-to meals and many that we’ve had are delicious. I shouldn’t be surprised, but sometimes the ingredients feel the force of the food processor before they hit the bowl. The chunky stew I’m expecting is actually a smooth bisque. And don’t get me started on potatoes. Sometimes, in our soups, they seem to dissolve right before your eyes.

The smoothie is the quintessential vegan sustenance. They’re very trendy right now. Some people put ice cream in their smoothies. We put lettuce. And apples. And bananas. And blueberries. I could keep going.

And yet it all goes through the straw.

I probably wouldn’t mind eating all my meals in smoothie form. I have always been one who likes to get all the flavors of the meal in every mouthful. If I were to order salmon, mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables at a restaurant, I would try to get some of everything in each bite. Pasta, chicken, and peppers? Same thing. Thanksgiving can be a challenge. It would be wise not to sit near me.

But chewing, and eating in general, is very subjective. Some people don’t like parts of the meal to be touching each other on the plate. Others eat all of one item first, before moving on to the next thing. Everyone has their own way of eating. And that’s okay.

All I know is, if I make it to ninety, at the rate I’m going, I’ll have the jaws of a forty-year-old.

Have you any favorite “chewless” meals?  Please  leave a message…